mor·bid/ˈmôrbəd/Adjective
1. Characterized by or appealing to an abnormal and unhealthy interest in disturbing and unpleasant subjects, esp. death and disease.
2. Of the nature of or indicative of disease.
Disturbing... Unpleasant... Unhealthy.
If you are reading this blog, you likely googled "Morbid Obesity", or "Losing Weight Without Surgery"- which means you are likely in the same boat, or very close to it.
Everyone has their "breaking point"- a point in time wher eyou decide that you cannot continue living in your current state, and make a change for the better. Mine came on April 9th, 2011 when my boyfried of 10 (!) years proposed to me outside the church at his best friends wedding. This should have been the most exciting day of my life, but it was overshadowed by deep feelings of insecurity and the realization that I did not want to walk down the aisle and marry the man I love at 298 pounds. That's right- all the cards are on the table now... I was 298 pounds. The heaviest I've ever been in my life, and 40 pounds into Morbid Obesity.
I'm not really sure how I let it get that high, but I did- one double cheeseburger at a time. I think most of my weight problems started immediately after high school, like most people. You no longer have this structured time to eat, and often don't have the same thriving social life to keep you busy... so you do whatever you want and eat whatever you like. I fought to maintain an average figure back then, and then I moved out on my own at 19. Who knew food was so expensive?!?! I ended up existing on whatever was cheap- Chef Boyardee, Ramen Noodles, McDonalds... and before I knew it, I was uncomfortably heavy. At 23, my boyfriend and I learned we were expecting a baby- and of course, more weight packed on. Zoe was born September 23rd, 2007. A miracle if I have ever seen one- she was perfect in every way and I was in love. I lost most of the pregnancy weight right away, but it didn't take long for it to creep back up when we learned that something wasn't quite right with our baby girl.
A whirlwind of doctors, specialists, tests and procedures later, we learned that our then 18-month old daughter was nearly deaf. She requires hearing aids in order to hear ANYTHING for the rest of her life. I think the depression from that lasted about a year. It still gets to me sometimes. In that dark time where I blamed myself, my boyfriend, where I hated God, and asked "WHY?!?!" over and over again, I probably gained a good 40 pounds. I've come to accept and embrace Zoe's unique abilities (we don't like to say she's disabled) and have emotionally recovered from that shock now that she is almost 4. That is of course a snapshot of how this weight problem progressed- there were weight loss attempts, programs, and gains and failures along the way too- all leading up to that day. April 9th 2011. The day I said "ENOUGH".
Since that day, I wrestled with a lot of choices on how I was going to lose this weight. At one point I contemplated bariatric surgery, but decided it wasn't for me. I was capable of doing this myself. I could do Weight Watchers, South Beach, Count Carbs... which was right for me? I finally decided that NONE of them were. Now planning a wedding, we didn't have the money laying around for special meetings, foods, etc. So, I decided I would not consider this a DIET, but a LIFESTYLE. It was like a light bulb went off in my head- it makes perfect sense. No wonder I gained the weight back every time I went on a "program" or "diet"- I wasn't going to live that way for the rest of my life, so it was unrealistic to do it for a year or so, lose the weight, and be left scratching my head as to what to do next.
The first thing I did was join Gold's gym with my new fiance. He was always very supportive of whatever I decided to do- and we enjoyed the time together. I was apprehensive at first, worried all the hard bodied people would scoff at me and wonder what I was even doing there because obviously it wasn't working. I had to get past that idea and not care what anyone thought- and you know what? THEY DON'T CARE. When you're at the gym, nobody really looks at you- they are mostly focused on their own goals.
The second thing I did was completely change the way I was eating... obviously! I stopped eating fast food (my biggest downfall!), drinking soda, or buying processed frozen junk for my family. We now eat tons of fresh veggies, lean proteins, and I season with fresh herbs and spices. I have discovered a culinary spark in myself that belonged only to baking previously... I LOVE to coook now- I make dinner for my family nearly every night at home! I realized how excited cooking made me, and after rambling on to my coworkers about the amazing (low fat!) meal we had the night before, I decided to start a blog to (hopefully) share them with others trying to lose weight naturally like me. I hope you enjoy it, and best of luck as we take this journey together!
As of today- Friday, July 22nd, 2011- I have lost 45 pounds, and am no longer considered "morbidly" obese. Don't get me wrong- because I still have another 100 pounds until I reach my goal- but I am stunned at how well I am doing and continue to be motivated by my own success, which feels AWESOME.
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